I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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