Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
