whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
