I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
