How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
