Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
