I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
