Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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