Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
