If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
