very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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