I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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