If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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