i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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