do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
