She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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