I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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