you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
