you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
