I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
