at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
