my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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