we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
