Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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