I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry about my life...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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