Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
