well I can't set my house on fire every night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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