Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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