nut hugger
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
