he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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