they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
