I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
