i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
