Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
