Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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