hotel room ftw
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish I only lived at night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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