If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
