I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
