I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
