i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
