i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
