I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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