2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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