i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
