If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
