I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
