Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
