i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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