there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
