My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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