the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
