I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i out mim tonsoeep
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