i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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