your parents love me but you hate me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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