the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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