omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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