I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize