Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
