I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
