Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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