i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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