Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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