I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
