I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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