so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
