dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
