I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
