You're earring is so big in my mouth
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
