so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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