Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
